fast word a year later, we somehow found our way to each other.
I would be lying if I didn’t have some concerns about the relationship.
there are a couple barriers that pose a significant threat (not just to me, but your self-esteem…..and when a man is not secure in himself, well, we already know how that goes).
I also don’t want to let anxiety and overthinking spoil things before they have even grown. I’m focused on the worst case scenario right now, aren’t I?
So far, it seems that you’re committed to being better for yourself, not just for us. You’ve come a long way in how you respond to conflict compared to last year. I don’t want to hold you to any expectations because realistically, you may not meet them. You may not be willing to work on yourself to save the relationship. This has happened before, so I understand my triggers and why they are re-surfacing.
For now, I choose to have hope but realistic expectations about this.
Things may end eventually, which is okay. I will re-visit this post again in the new year. This time, things will be different though. I have to put myself first. Lord knows you will.
it’s okay to not feel ready for a more serious commitment, but I do think it’s important to set boundaries with the people you’re dating if this is the case.
plenty of men show up with relationship-like behaviors and a degree of commitment that suggests otherwise. at that point, you might as well re-evaluate what you actually want. if you’re showing up in a way that suggests that you want a deeper connection or creating the conditions for a relationship (consistency, great communication, emotional intimacy, integrating your lives) you may as well just put a label on the thing. I personally believe you can have a bf/gf relationship while still figuring out long-term compatibility. dudes are so stingy with labels nowadays but like that’s not your sneaky link/casual partner after a certain point. that’s your girlfriend, just lean into it. you can’t have it both ways.
growing tired of judgmental dating advice online that makes me feel foolish for entertaining temporary people. isn’t life so lonely these days? don’t we all crave companionship? I know my lover is temporary and that is okay. lover, situationship, casual partner. the label doesn’t matter. I have built a bond with someone and the feelings of care are mutual. I make no apologies for how I choose to keep myself warm in a cold world.
they said the right love will feel sure and safe. your person won’t put you in a position to feel insecure or doubtful. this is where I arrive at a crossroads. I have grown in amazing ways throughout this connection. you push me to be a better version of myself, and likewise for you. you make feel beautiful, valued, desirable in many ways, but maybe not in all the ways that I desire. you push me to a point of spontaneity that I know is good for me. I have learned to be more adventurous and less rigid. more daring, even. so in the end, I won’t regret if things fall apart…….because I needed a close companion and supporter, as did you.
